I don't want to do this phase....

It's been a year.
A year since shit hit the fan for my health.
I often still get the "You're okay now though, right?"
No. Unfortunately, no.
The surgery I had last spring took away one annoying thing, not the diseases. Not the pain. Nothing else has changed. I have been in a doable spot with all my conditions and have only been managing them with natural supplements, zero big pharma. It was a goal I had & met. Some days are better than others, but overall it has been manageable.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow I have oral surgery.

After a bunch of expensive, but very neat scans done on cool new technology at the dentist, a plan was devised to move forward. We started this journey a year ago. Over a year ago, really. November of 2018 I had 3 crowns in 30 days on my back molars (I do not have wisdom teeth). I clench & grind (likely due to pain and stress) in my sleep. My back molars are the first point of impact. They have scalpeled my tongue, abused my cheeks, and all of my back molars are cracked into quarters. This also sends a constant nuero output for my Trigeminal Nerve. This makes my trigeminal nueralgia always on point. My right side is the TN side.


On my right side last January, my crown broke & took part of my tooth with it. It was over the weekend & Sunday night I got the stomach flu. The acid from that ate away whatever was keeping my nerve from being exposed. I was in so much pain I almost involuntarily kicked the hygienist and the dentist who was trying to put a sealant on it come Monday morning. They determined they did not want to mess with the tooth without input from a neurologist. I do not go fully numb & dental work is always bad.



If you recall from THIS POST, the neurologist was a total waste of time & an infuriating human who refused to help the dentist at all. So we moved on without her. I got my hysterectomy surgery, my knee injury happened, we paid those off, then went back to get the scans at the dentist.

7mm airway

The scans showed quite a few things. They showed that my tongue placement is pushing my front teeth forward and causing an open bite. They showed that my jaw is off kilter. They showed the wear and tear on my back molars. They showed that my airway was half as open as it should be. We
ordered a sleep study, the sleep study place set my file aside because there wasn't enough info attached for them to actually read my case & schedule me (is basically what I was told on the phone). My deductible and out of pocket were met for 2019, they still haven't called to set that up even after calling them and giving them more info, it has been 3 months. We decided to move on without them.
(Seriously guys, I pay for private health & dental insurance, I pay all my bills up front or in a very timely manner & its been over a year of waiting in line to be considered. Every step of the way has been waiting, waiting to see what's wrong, waiting to see if something can be done, waiting for someone else to consider my case, waiting to be bad enough to move up in line, waiting, worsening, waiting, paying more and more while I wait.  I now no longer even work due to the compiling of health issues as a result. I wonder how social medicine would look? Worse? Better? I'm losing faith y'all. We are already way too much at the mercy of other's consideration.)

The problem tooth on the TN side.....
We have decided to remove it rather than recrown it. Recrowning would probably result in another crack and another crown and another and another. No one wants to mess with that trigeminal nerve more than once. Not me, not them, no one. We decided to remove that tooth and the matching one on the left side on the bottom. The hope is to make more room for my tongue, which would make a larger airway and in theory it would hopefully keep my tongue from pressing my front teeth out & help to correct the open bite, put less neuro output on that TN and overall be the better scenario.

So, here we go.... tomorrow.

I'm more than petrified, you see, I'm in a doable spot with the TN. I am big pharma free. Why? because those meds, I've tried carbamezopine, trileptal, gabapentin, baclofen, oxy, hydro, and a couple others. I cannot drive, I can not stay functional through the day on those. I nod off mid sentence, my memory is non existent, my speech slurs, I'm dizzy, nauseous & jittery, I have headaches and mood swings and gain wait at an alarming rate which sets off my PCOS & blood sugar issues. I am not the same person on those meds. I am not a productive member of society, I am not a good and present wife and mother. I waste away on the couch. I can not do it. I will not do it.

whatever they are promoting here, I don't take, but the description is acurate

What will happen if the tooth extraction messes with that trigeminal nerve? That nerve it sets upon? What has caused many people's TN in the first place? Dental work, crowns, root canals, periodontal work, tooth extractions. I am getting knocked out entirely at the oral surgery center for the work (I don't even go entirely numb at the dentist anymore), that I'm not nervous about, I'm scared to wake up after. I'm scared that that nerve will not quit firing. I'm scared the only thing I will be able to do is go back on the meds to try to get it under control again. I'm scared I will be like many others out there & never get it back under control regardless of med concoctions. I'm scared that the pain will be ever present & ever wearing after. There is a big chance that I will wake up & never be the same person, ever again. I'm petrified. It has to be done. My gums have started to grow over the top of the broken tooth, it is inflamed and will get infected. A tooth infection can cause a heart attack, systematic illness, sepsis, it can be fatal.

Send up prayers, send over good vibes, send whatever you do & whatever you've got. I'll absorb them & hope for the best. That's all there is at this point.

That's what's up with Kandi.

So I did a thing today....

"Let's Do It Anyway" has become my new mantra.  

Things are not quite getting better in my body. Things are lingering & repeating & new things have arrived. Now when I do physical activity, particularly the 5k's I really love, my guts go on riot and make misery in new ways. Whatever. I just turned 34 & I am not going to rollover and give up. 


LET'S DO IT ANYWAY!


So I did a thing today. 



I kinda self invited to go along with the XC team & a carpooling friend to the Aerial Adventure Park in Keystone. It was awesome & challenging in every way. Physically, Mentally, Drop foot & dehydration, guts aflame & numb appendages. Let's do it anyway. 

We started the day at a great guy who runs the sports store in Hill City's home. Pat. Pat lives right on the Mickelson Trail. Guys, if you've never..... seriously, it's a place in our backyards that winds through some of the best views you'll ever experience. If you can't follow trail etiquette, don't you dare though. It is a place to hold to the highest of respect. 




The XC team ran anywhere from 2-6 miles from his driveway, out on the Mickelson, and back. I was debating a 1 or 2 mile powerwalk as I wanted to save some energy for the aerial course, but it was so beautiful & it felt so good that I started thinking a 5k would be great to do, it's my jam, its my length, my go to & my fav. So I'm walking along enjoying every second, thinking maybe just do a 2 mile so they aren't waiting on me.....well I noticed a mile marker sign that caught my attention.....wait a second, I shouldn't be seeing that mile marker. I took a good look around, yep....

missed the driveway. Dang it. Turned around, found the driveway.....right at 5k. It worked out. 

I was the last one in, but not by long. Pat served everyone pancakes & was still making them. I tried one with almond butter AND SYRUP, hello, I earned it. We sat on the deck and took in the amazing views & the sweet smells of summer in the forest. Perfect morning workout. 

the smell of hot oiled wood & the sound of your shoes on it,
breathe it in, it's a good day to have a good day

After a group picture, we went on to Keystone to Rushmore Tramway Adventures. They have many packages and options for some pretty exhilarating fun. We did a group rate on the aerial course. This is not a place or activity that all of my family could qualify to endeavor or even handle, also the upfront price, not group rate, is pretty steep. Worth it, but steep. Knowing all this, I jumped in as a "chaperone" ....I guess you'd call it. 

They have a safety & training course, then a system like a ski slope with color coded courses. You must start at yellow, conquer it, then do green & then blue, most difficult is black. Zach after finishing the yellow, scurried right up the black trail, made it most of the way through, then took an escape route zipline down. The tougher courses had zipline escape routes for those who maxed out on ability, time allotment, inclement weather, or in the event someone needs assistance. 

One of the workers came flying backwards up one of the ziplines part way through a blue course a bunch of us were on to try to get to one of our own who's course zipline didn't trolley all the way across. He had hand over hand made it to the end before she even got to him. The first obstacle past the escape route she came up was one of the most

challenging in the courses. It was a set of 5 rings in a row to maneuver your feet through. It whooped all our butts. I almost took the very same escape route down and called it good right there.

these are not the rings there
but similar ones elsewhere
ours were wooden w/white ropes
and only one row which
was way harder

My foot was lagging & numbing, I was entirely dehydrated & nauseous. My body was definitely being challenged to the max. LETS DO IT ANYWAY. After letting our entire group go through it ahead of me, I decided ride or die & basically Tarzaned through it. Made it.

From an easier part of the course. I put my
phone away when it got tough. 

The next obstacle was a rolling log on a swing. My numbing appendage miss judged it & I fell on my rear mid swing. I got to the opposite platform, but had my oldest son's best friend give me a hand up, thanks Devin. 


After that one was another set of trying swinging planks then a long wire with V shaped obstacles to step over on

the wire, followed by previous mentioned zipline that my body weight had no trouble whooshing me through to the end, then a wicked obstacle that had 2 wires to straddle 
and walk and various boards diagonally across that had you switching sides of the parallel wires you straddle, climbing over the boards on the wire, then yanking your clips along with you. THESE CLIPS, those or your zip line trolley pouch, play a fun side game of tangle, snag & jerk through the entire route of the courses. Stopping mid slack wires above the trees to yank your clips through was just another tricky obstacle embedded in it all. 


It was so taxing. Physically exerting and exhausting. Add mentally taxing. Forget heights, which I'm pretty sure every human has a bit of fear for, it develops somewhere within your first year of life is what my Early Childhood degree taught me. That fear can be trained to be ignored. With the focus of the obstacles, you honestly don't even notice how high you are half the time. For real. Buuuuuut then, bam, after the parallel wires of wooden zig zags, you land yourself on a platform a few YARDS up a tree & you must hook to a rope & free jump down!!!! NOT REPEL, you must trust this rope will function as intended & slow you down, Arresto Momentum. (for shame, if you don't know the reference, culture yourself, click here to cheat)

This is a taller free standing jump tower that is a seperate pay, we watched some people jump from it & some people back out from jumping off it. The one we jumped off mid course was not quite as tall, but tall enough. It was a mind game & very exhilerating to experience. 

After standing here for a very long time & Coach Riley scolding me for repetitively looking down & saying he's just going to stand mid his current obstacle until I jump, I win over my will power & jump. I didn't die, it was awesome! I'd totally do it again. 

I really really wanted to do the black, it was the only one I didn't conquer. Buuuut I may have done some bargaining with God back a couple obstacles & decided not to push any further. I was dizzy, nauseous, my stomach was killing me, my head was hurting, there was gunk in the corners of my mouth..... I decided to go hydrate before my mind over matter landed me in some ER with an impossible to find a vein, multiple poke, IV bag. It took a long time and many stainless steel water bottle refills later, an icee snow

cone thing, half a Subway wrap, a bag of sunchips & 2 refills of watermelon cucumber water (they didn't have iced tea.... what kind of fast food doesn't have iced tea, but the watermelon cucumber water was AMAZING, culture people, try something knew, LETS DO IT ANYWAY) to feel even okayish. 

That group of kids & those people are totally my people. Just sitting around picnic tables in the summer rain & listening to the chatter with them is living your best life.
I absolutely will embrace every opportunity that comes along to try something new, to meet people, to push through and experience life. 

If you are in the Black Hills or visiting it, I highly recommend the Rushmore Tramway Adventure Park in Keystone (right down the road from Mt Rushmore). I would recommend the Aerial course. You get a little bit of ziplining, a little bit of that arresto momentum tree jump & a whole lot of workout. You are supposed to pay for 90 minutes, however I do believe we were up there somewhere between 3-4 hours. So worth it. You must be 50-250#s, they do have a scale there, but I didn't see anyone tested on it. Recommended over 6 years old. There are courses for each ability level and you will come away knowing the term TWEEZELING. You will TWEEZLE around 45 times per course, minimum. TWEEZELING will become second nature. 

That same blue course outlined above, in the second or 3rd obstacle (a couple before where that narrative begins), I TWEEZLED into a braid of pullback ropes, course rope, wire and TWEEZEL strap.... I would get a third into the obstacle & the pullback rope for the next person to use the obstacle would not move. I could go no farther. Head back, untangle, thought we had it, go again, get one plank further, nope, return. We were piling up on the platform by then & getting yelled at from the blue shirts below. "Coach Elsom, come save me!!!!"

He arrives off the prior obstacle, now 4-5 of us working on it & yelling back to the blue shirts, "it's tangled"....the overzealous & surely bored at watching instead of participating girl from the story above yells "I'm COMING!!!" & is again bummed when we get it before she can get to us. This actually happened before Dylan's zipline not completing it's path, she wasted no time and was very

determined to come try to save him when she didn't get to help untangle me & still to no avail. Poor girl. I'd have completed the course instead of backtracking to the escape route if I were her. ;) ;) 

On the way home it was wall to wall, both lanes full, people cutting each other off, can't get over for on ramps, traffic on I90. For some reason the entirety of the rally goers decided to show up mid day Wednesday while we were in the hills & forgot how to drive MidWest style while they were at it. 
It begins #sturgisrally2019 

When we met parents at the park for pickups, there was THE COOLEST dog I've ever met. He was an English Great Dane with huge droopy cheeks, tons of slobber & feet to be mistaken for wolves'. He had a rope leash that was looped around a guy's shoulder and torso. He was a service dog with 26 tasks and 11 commands for PTSD support. His man friend was known to wander during an episode & the dog knew how to 'find the car' or 'find help' (policeman). He was also an unforgettable dog that people notice tied to a man (purpose #1), everyone also wants to pet this dog & ask about him which pulls his man friend into social situations & conversations (purpose #2 as service dog). The couple was very personable. They spoke about their prior lives as Chef in Disney World, even shared recipes & where to find them, about being from Lake Eerie & Nevada & living in Maine for a spell. They anticipated being able to handle our winters with those experiences under their belts. We constantly wonder how people find & decide to live in Belle Fourche, SD from these other places???? Is it the Center of the Nation?? That's more self proclaimed than anything else, folks. Well, anyhow, welcome!

Again, totally worth it. They should pay me to promote & link them. Maybe someday that will be how I earn a buck or two, or enter a place free. But seriously, check it out....

https://rushmoretramwayadventures.com/ 

I did a thing today & it was amazing. I'll never forget today. And that's what it's all about.