...it went, okay.

    I am a week post surgery and still have yet to figure out what all I'm reacting to or have a "smooth" day. It's been a one thing or another for a week now.

Day 1 post opp
Thursday 3/21


I go in like a boss, chin up, robe flapping in the breeze, hanging onto every single time every person had said how much better I would feel. For the first time I’ve had an unknown (to me) procedure I go in without having those uncontrollable shakes. I maintain control and cool the whole time. Yay me.

Bittersweet: recovery room for
a hysterectomy is in the
 Maternity Ward. OBGYNs
& their nurses are already there.

I needed that baby in my
arms so bad. She made it
happen. She's pretty great.
It was Joe & I's 1st night apart.

The surgery goes pretty good. I lose a lot of blood, but it was expected. I eat my favorite hospital supper, chicken cordon bleu (I spent a week eating these from the limited menu 8 short months ago), Shannon brings my baby to nurse before bed. Wayne takes him home for the night, I get a decent nights sleep for a hospital stay. Breakfast is good. Things look okay, even though my blood pressure is a bit low (94/41)....



Then My systems are slow to start up again. It takes my body FOREVER and a ton of fluids to decide I could use the bathroom... which then I am told my first ‘try’ wasn’t good enough. It was less than half the amount needed to be discharged & to ‘try again’ ugggg (I demanded a sticker in true preschool teacher fashion). After another full 1000cc hospital mug of water chugged, they decide some more IV fluids might be best BUUUUT my IV infiltrates into my hand, so that’s a no. Eventually the chug mug catches up & I'm allowed to check out after a belly listen to be sure other systems will work.

When you pick your persons, pick good ones.

When you have a laproscopic procedure,
they pump you full of gas to be able to work the instruments
& get good visuals. After surgery, this gas settles in weird places....
like your shoulders. OUCH!!! Kpak Heat Pack.

Calf Massagers that continuously pump & massage
your calves to help reduce DVTs & other clots.

The first day home, I’m doped up on meds, I feel alright, I’m walking around, eating with the family & functioning good. I get through the night, but I’m THIRSTY. Really thirsty. I mug chug around 3 hospital mugs of fluid & still feel dehydrated. When I wake up my face looks like preeclampsia or Botox gone bad. I’ve also gotten a fever over 100.5 despite hefty doses of ibuprofen.

They want me back in ER. My least favorite place in the entire world.

This is Day 3.


We go to the ER. Wayne forgets where to park so we walk (over drainage gutters) about a block to get inside, skipped the good painkillers to come & am oh so out of it. They put me on a narrow narrow OB break apart bed in a room that’s overly hot. I’m not allowed to drink anything until ruling out certain possibilities so the thirst keeps getting worse. Mixed with mad blood loss this equals SEVERE dehydration & a heart murmur.

It’s decided I have developed an infection. I get fluids, pain killer, and antibiotics in an IV. The record number of pokes for me is 8. My veins are small, they roll & if I’m dehydrated at all, they are pretty impossible. Let’s not forget I’ve already had a spot infiltrate & blood drawn more than a couple times out of another spot. Poor nurses Michael and Brian both have no luck so they call in Amanda, their proclaimed IV goddess who decides to stab through scar tissue next to my blood draw spots, but gets it in, barely. When my doctor comes in she retapes it. She checks everything over, sends more meds, then I’m able to leave after hours of IV drip. It’s now Saturday at 2pm & the only open pharmacy is Walgreens. We go through their drive through then hit a food drive through for Wayne (they made me eat a tray in the ER -a turkey sandwich- I HATE TURKEY sandwiches, but I ate it.)

Right before we head back to Walgreens to get my meds and head home, the pharmacist calls & says my file (which has to be 4-6 years old) has a note that says I might be pregnant and they have to ask if I am for one of the meds..... I’m not having the best day. I just got doped up on pain meds & my emotions are a bit questionable in light of what was just removed from my body. My response,

“Well I hope not. I just got my uterus removed 2 days ago, so if so, that would be some whacked out shit.”

-My husband is dying in the driver’s seat. He tells me I’m a bitch for saying that & that a ‘no’ would have worked. “it’s not in me, besides, that’s bad taste to ask someone who just got their uterus removed if they’re pregnant”. I know she didn’t know, but I’m me & that's my response.

---the rest of my post has disappeared, I can't even begin to rewrite it---

--might throw computer across room--

Day 10:

Saturday 3/30

well anyhow..... I had the post exactly how I wanted it, went to hit publish and the evil asshole technology deleted it. I've tried every suggestion on the internet. It is gone. I am seething. Every sound in my room is making me want to rage all the emotions of a week and 3 days worth of depleted hormones, emotions, pent up anger and general feeling of frustration and unwellness. If you could have read the nicely written rest of the post, you'd know it's been a week from hell....

It's funny what makes your house of cards within tumble. What simple, fairly insignificant thing can go wrong that brings it all crashing down. For me it was this stupid post. I know people do read it, but I generally write it for me. It's so stupid. I about didn't recover. I about let it all pour out. I was questioning why I got this surgery, why everything. And everything suddenly hurt. It was crashing down. All of it. Wayne was asking what he could do for me. I was mean. Finally he asked that I not take it out on him. Then I felt bad. I had to put my computer well out of reach, take some medicine & pass out.

Today I'm trying to rewrite it. Whatever.

LET's BACK UP.....

So here's how it went after the ER......

Day 4:

Sunday 3/24

Hives. Hives that started in the shape of a rectangle. Those I knew came from the drape and surgery prep. But why on day 4 did they show up? They then got worse by the day.

Over the course of these antibiotics the hives kept spreading. Chest, side, back, arms, sutures, everywhere. Itchy. Annoying. Hives.

Tuesday I had a follow up appointment. I was still having low grade temps, still had hives & was still generally feeling blah. I was also sick of the side affects of my pain meds. My doc gave me a different one to try & said my sutures looked well, the rectangle rash was definitely from the drape and prep and the rest were concerning but we needed to continue the antibiotics. She was also slightly concerned with the description of my prolapse repair area being described as "a continuous feeling of crowning a baby". Thus, stay with the hivey antibiotics.

Oh, Oh did you want to see suture pics? Proclamation: I've made 6 babies from scratch in this beast, it's been stretched, molded & squished to the beautiful site that it currently is, I'll share....

Gnarly Huh?

Next we took Andy to Urgent Care where he was confirmed positive with Influenza A. Damn it. That's not what we went in there for. I can not get that one. She just said stay away from coughers, coughing for me would be counterproductive to my healing. Tamiflu. Tamiflu for most.

The CDC currently recommends that only those under 5, over 65 or with certain medical conditions be the only ones who receive Tamilflu. So that meant Lizzy, Joey & I got it. Zach, Andy & Jake are already sick. Wayne thinks he is the chosen one and will not get it. Whatever Wayne.

Luke comes home sick from school and they decide to call it in for him too. Soooo, Tamiflu for most.

Day 7

3/27

2 doses into new meds, I wake up to swollen botox lips again, such nausea and dizziness I cannot leave the bathroom & ANGRY HIVES. I feel so so wretched. My body cannot do all these meds, or all these meds together, despite having the nurses, doctors and pharmacists all check that they are compatible. They all technically are. However when trying to pinpoint which I look up the generic name of the Tamiflu that's on the box and it says that those allergic to the cillins can react to it. Well, hand to the sky, that's me. That paired with taking another antibiotic that I am slightly allergic to has set my body off. I'm in rough shape. I stop everything but the essentials. I'm so frustrated.

Thursday....I slept ALL DAY, I'm not even sure there was a Thursday last week. You couldn't prove it by me.

I'm set to rock a 48 hour sleep into Friday, but this little alarm on my phone says it's time for another appointment. I get sutures out of my abdomen today so I guess I better go. I get stitches out, blood drawn, throat swabbed just in case and they baffle over the still present low grade temps. Whatever.

It's a perfect Spring day of thick fog and heavy mist. It's awesome. I just want to sit outside.

Saturday I am determined to finish this post and I do, I go to hit publish and...... well you already read about that. Here we are...

Let's give credit where credit is due:

no but really, he's our rock,
but maybe don't tell him, his head is big enough already

My Husband. He does alright. The house got this messy:

This is nothing, 6 kids, 2 dogs & a manchild live here.

Then today he decided he couldn't handle it & it had to be cleaned & I mean move the couches, vacuum under them & tin snip the hanging mechanics snagging the carpet, clean. Go Wayne.

He doesn't do Honey Do lists though. Those hit the garbage before being read. They insult him. (rolling my eyes). But he does alright.

Thank you to my girl for never leaving my side....

....and to the boys for their ornery spirit lifting ways. Zach likes to make sure I bathe regularly....with a spray bottle of water......when I least expect it....in my recliner I cannot get out of like a turtle on its back....then his dad backs him. Thank you. Asshats.

Trooper broke Luke's computer screen while we were at the doctor,
so instead of taking the computer downstairs, he brings a tv up. 

Influenza A

8 months on 3/27

The Onreries. 

We couldn't do it without the MEAL TRAIN though. THANK YOU thank you, thank you to Shannon for setting it up, being the go between & for all of you out there who amazingly responded! Thank you for every single meal, snack, gift card & delivery. We are surviving off of them. They have all been delicious & the left overs have carried our lunches. It is tremendously helpful. You will receive paper thank you's as well. When I can move more than 5 steps without a hot flash.

Thank you also for your support & well wishes!

If you're going to have to go through recovery, do it with a baby in your arms & a dog on your legs....

What in the World is up with Kandi???

I'm in a rough spot. 

I am not okay. 

Why are those words so hard to say? 

Why isn't it normal to just talk about what issues you are having? 

To let people know, ask for help?

Instead we be tough, be strong, be private.

Human Nature. Personality. Culture. Generation. Social skills. Circumstances.......we just do not want everyone up in our business..... unless it becomes necessary. Unless there is no way around it.

I think I'm there. 

When you read farther, you are going to have suggestions for me. Things that may have helped you or someone you know, or things you have been told are supposed to work for this or that..... yes I've tried them. Most likely. Maybe it's suggesting someone who can do it better... As you suggest these things, please remember, I've lived here in the Northern Hills almost longer at this point than I lived where I was raised. I am well established here. I have a ton of people in my corner. Doctors, nurses, specialists, people with all sorts of beliefs that I respect each one of. People who sell oils, herbs, juices, fitness, weightloss products, stuff that if committed to are supposed to help your overall health. A lifestyle change......this has been evolving over the course of a lifetime, I've gone through many of these (ask me how I got my daughter). Most do help.....for a while, until they don't. 

As my mother sits on the phone 9 hours away & unable to drop everything to come to me like we both want, she exhausts every possible suggestion she can come up with. It's what we do. We want each other to be okay, to feel okay, to go on like that. We try to suggest to be helpful. I know, and thank you. I love that you care. 

This past week has been rough...

I have 2 diagnosed medical conditions & we are watching for another that one of those can be a precursor to.  

They are all currently coming to a head...

A week or so ago one of my crowns on my teeth (1/3 I had to get in 30 days 15 months ago when my mouth was the place of attack last time) BROKE IN HALF. The thought is that it is caused by my intense clenching and grinding at night, which is likely caused by my Trigeminal Neuralgia, possibly also a different autoimmune disease correspondence. Since it did not just pop off, they were unable to repair it simply and will have to drill it out and replace it....but since I have the condition Trigeminal Neuralgia (explained below), I don't ever go fully numb and it takes HOURS to get me numb enough to work on my teeth, then after the work I have WEEKS of excruciating nerve pain on the right side of my face. Due to this, the dentists don't want to work on the crown without a Neuro consult and medical plan for before, during & after the work. Neurology can't get me in to see them until APRIL 15th. I am on a "drop everything and go now" waitlist where they call the names on the list when someone cancels and the first one to answer gets to come in....but I have a hysterectomy and prolapse repair surgery scheduled for March 21st. I done did ware those parts out. Actually, my 2nd, or maybe it should be the first, as it came first, condition is PCOS - Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (explained below). It has taken a large toll on my health as well. 

Last Sunday night when I got the stomach flu, Whatever protective sealant had been left on my tooth with the broken crown was eaten away while puking, so when I woke up the next morning after finally passing out, my pain was through the roof. The dentist tried putting a desensitizing layer on it (at which time I about jumped out of the chair and involuntarily may have nearly kicked a hygienist). It really didn't do a lot for the pain. There is some concern that while waiting on neuro, my tooth may become abscessed or infected. There is an antibiotic waiting at the pharmacy if it starts going that route. In the mean time my regular doc worked me in this morning (Thurs) & prescribed me a new, stronger nerve pain med at an increasable dose, however then at my pre opp appointment this afternoon my OBGYN suggested not taking it until after the surgery, or taking it, then stopping it a week before the surgery (we are almost there) as in her experiences, chronic nerve pain meds like that one often make post opp pain more intense to the point she has taken people back into surgery.....ummmmm, pass. 

sooooo.......

That means right now in order for one of my issues to be fixed, the one before it must be & the person who fixes it needs to be available. Then on down the line. So I am stuck. I have the medications, the alternative remedies & the suggestions. Now we get through it. We get one thing fixed, or removed, then the next, and treat them as we go, until we get to good days again. 

Is that all?  nope.

WHAT in the WORLD is UP with KANDI???

A lot. There are a lot of different things at play here. They've been building over a lifetime. None are an easy fix, the big ones, in fact, don't even have a fix. They're those fun lifelong ones. Let's go over those.....time to fess up. I'm not JUST SICK all the time. Honestly, it's ALL THE TIME & it's more annoying for me to let you who depend on me down, than to actually be sick. Sick sucks, but losing people you keep letting down sucks worse. Know, that's the hardest. That's what I hate the most. Letting others down. Not being able to be there. Daycare, preschool, other jobs, events, programs, ladies nights out, sports, meetings, all the things I miss out on for my very own family and my very own children. Sick sucks. 

The Issues Explained:

I have compromised immunity due to multiple autoimmune diseases. I get every germ that walks by and waves. They attack me. Unfortunately then they usually spread to my family who love to share with me, or vise versa, they get them first, sneak a drink or a bite, bam, Mom down. 

Then WHY do you work with kids?

It's my passion. I spent 5.5 years on 3 degrees, 2 endorsements & part of a masters in education. I come from a family with 8 teachers and administrators. Its who we are, what we do, what we love. I love your little germy offspring. I love watching them grow & learn & being a part of it. I am having a very very hard time admitting that my health may prevent me from continuing this. 

2019 has hit with the furry of all of my 37.2 trillion cells in my body derailing the train. 

January brought hemorrhaging, 3 point hemoglobin count drops, multiple illnesses and a continual flare of my face pain, Trigeminal Neuralgia (explained below). 

February, more of all that, add hormone uppers and all their NASTY side effects, the reintroduction of seizure medicine to try to curb the constant firing of the Trigeminal Neuralgia in my face and all that med's NASTY side effects, clinching and grinding from fore listed stressors which triggers more firing of TN as well as the breakdown of my teeth. Cue cracked in half crown, only mildly sensitive at first, but causes the TN to ENRAGE!!!! 

The weather is hovering -30 which aggravates TN & other autoimmune issues I exhibit, such as the contraction and stiffening of every muscle down the right side of my body and the occasional loss of sensation for how much pressure my foot or hand are putting down (stepping, holding, grasping) & the occasional numbness & tingling of appendages. Dropping things is my recent thing, like the supper I worked hard on, my favorite kitchen appliance (11qt instant pot/ pressure cooker useless), my phone - thank goodness for good cases. 

March-  Starts off with a bang, still as cold as if Hell froze over, hormone stuff quit working, those issues start to return, cracked crown cannot be repaired

Cue stomach flu. Vomit breaks down whatever was keeping the tooth from being an all out inflamed, raw, exposed evil. Cannot even swallow pain meds. Cannot eat. Cannot drink. Hurts to talk. Hurts to move my tongue. Cannot do daily life. Imminent breakdown.

A slight possible positive- I may lose some weight here. 

Trigeminal Neuralgia- 

This one sucks the worse right now. Here's a visual:

Your trigeminal nerve spreads across your face. You have one on each side of your face and each has 3 areas. It is the nerve that the Novocain at the dentist goes in to get you numb (see the problem with a broken crown- but even if they could get it numb, the weeks following dental work are excruciatingly debilitating). The pain is ever evolving. It stabs like a knife, shocks like lightning or an electric pulse, it throbs between, it makes your face contort & twitch. It makes you assume the fetal position & scream. It takes you away from life. It is incurable. It can sometimes be a precursor to MS, especially in women my age. 

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)-

Spoiler Alert: It's NOT CYSTS people. 

Or rather not JUST cysts. There are cysts as a byproduct. But that's not even close to the whole show. Some research suggests it be classified as an autoimmune disease in itself. I have rarely met a woman with PCOS who doesn't also have a differently classified autoimmune disease in addition to it. it's a beast. 

This one started at age 10 or 11 or even before, as it is often genetic. It is essentially a hormone imbalance. Do you know what all is effected by hormones in your body? To start with, your reproductive system, your ability to make babies or even to enjoy the process, insulin is a hormone, your entire endocrine system is ran by hormones, your ligaments elasticity, your hair, your skin, your weight, your mood, hormones. Mine do not function normally. None of the above are a normal functioning piece of my life. 

I'm not going to throw you all the lovely details of this one right here. I'll drop a link, you can Google it, you can ask your friend/wife/sister/mom/grandma if she knows. 1 in 10 women of childbearing age have PCOS, 10% of the female population. Odds are you know someone. It can manifest different for everyone and most often it gets worse over time.

 On March 21st I will be having a hysterectomy & prolapse repair to alleviate some symptoms of PCOS, it will not cure it, not even close, but it will take away a few of the annoying things that make my life harder, take me out for periods of time and cause me to occasionally become anemic. The prolapse....that's some guts that should be up in place inside you that have fallen down out of place. Mine is from my 9lb baby then proceeding to have 2 more babies, the last one being 8#6oz and all 4 of my uterine quadrants he grew in having too much fluid....too much weight pressing down, stuff fell. Yay me. 

The initial 'need my husband home' recovery is 2 weeks. My friend Shannon is setting up a meal train to help him out those 2 weeks. She'll be posting something on Facebook for that & I'll share it too. THANKS SHANNON!!!!!!

The total out of commision for lifting and working and that is 6 weeks. Sadly, I will be done with daycare and preschool for the year next week. 

Once I'm up & moving, I'll get to neuro, then the dentist, then start all over with pain management after dental work....eventually, hopefully, it will all settle down and/or heal. 

I WILL BE OKAY. 

I know I'll have more good days. I'm looking forward to that. Until then, I know I'm not sitting on my rear with no hope. I have a medical plan. It is very hard some days. But, there will be more good days. I was in a rough spot at the beginning of the week, but have again come to peace with where I'm at right now. One thing, then the next.